Term 3 is grinding on, the pressure is rising, and you have noticed the exchanges getting shorter.
You ask how school was, that practice exam went or whether the assignment is done, and you get a word back.. if that.
So, you ask again, a little more pointedly, and the shoulders go up, and what was meant to be a chat has become a standoff.
Somewhere in this stretch of the year, your questions started sounding and feeling more like checkpoints or evaluations… and you both feel it.
When we are worried, we gather information, and questions are how we do it. Did you finish? Have you started? How did the test go?
Each one feels reasonable on its own. But strung together across a tense fortnight, they stop feeling like interest and start feeling like an audit. A young person under pressure hears the running total: are you keeping up, are you enough, prove it to me. No wonder the drawbridge goes up.
Instead of: A question that checks up: “Have you done it?”
Try: A question that opens up: “What is on your plate this week?”
The shift is small but it changes the whole exchange. A checking question can be closed with a yes, a no, or a grunt, and all three end the conversation.
An opening question has nowhere to hide, so it tends to get a real answer. They also signal something different: I am interested in you, not just what is produced. It also does quiet work underneath. Even better, it also hands your child the floor, taps into their world, and treats them as the expert on their own week, which is exactly the footing a good conversation like this needs to stand on.
The shift? You are not gathering intelligence, but instead opening a door for a conversation.
Swap one checking question for an opening one.
Instead of “have you done it,” ask “what’s on your plate this week?” or “what is the tricky part right now?”.
Then stop talking… and let them fill the space.
If this resonated or helped, forward it to another parent who is having the same short conversations in their home right now.
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Till the next one,
Dan & Laura
More Than a Score | Co-Founders